A friend told me the other day that they were jealous of the way that my life seemed in this quarantine.
That the fact that I have the time for self-discovery and looking outward, instead of diving into my own self and sorrow was making them envious.
But I wanted to set a few things straight. In case anyone else is feeling jealous of how I’m coping with this whole pandemic.
I’ve been grinding my teeth at night. Sometimes to the point that I wake myself up at 3:00 AM with my jaw pounding in pain; when all I can do is get myself a glass of water, stare off into the darkness of my bedroom, and wish for better days.
Even typing away on this near-empty document right now, coffee sitting on the window-sill behind me, I feel myself tensing up again. I’m wriggling my lower-jaw to feel some sense of peace.
Often I’m pacing around my living room, or back yard, with little sense of belonging or purpose.
There are days where it’s a struggle to get out of bed, but I know that coffee is waiting to be made, or sitting around getting cold. The desire for fresh black coffee streaming down my throat is often stronger than any other feeling that my body or mind can muster.
None of us are perfect, and we’re all scared.
However, this post isn’t a call out for attention (though it could be questioned that perhaps that’s what this whole blog is for.) I just wanted to say that I’m not anyone to be jealous of. I’m some twenty-one years old kid, stuck (safe) in a house who’s drinking too much, making limited grocery runs, missing my friends, and trying to help others soothe their souls by writing what’s on my mind.
As of the time of upload for this post, we’ve got 20346 reported cases of Covid-19 in the State of Michigan. This week marks the 50th anniversary of Apollo 13: “Nasa’s Most Successful Failure,” where the line “Huston, we have a problem,” hails from. Its recovery is still considered Mission Control’s finest hour. Last but not least, it’s about the fifteenth anniversary of The National’s album that really brought them to the limelight Alligator. I’m celebrating this by listening to the album that came out before, Sad Songs For Dirty Lovers.
Just a little bit of the world that’s going on.